


Fake

by Talliya



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Baiting talk, Conspiracy Theorest Duo, Domestic, Fluff, Funny, M/M, They live in Triton's house, Trolling, Yes he took the name Triton Bloom as Cathy actually adopts him as her brother in my every headcanon.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talliya/pseuds/Talliya
Summary: WuFei loves him, but sometimes he doesn't know why.
Relationships: Duo Maxwell/WuFei Chang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Fake

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any rights to Gundam Wing or its characters. This work is not for profit.
> 
> This HAD to be written as soon as I saw the incorrectgundamwingquotes quote today:  
>  **Duo:** Ghosts are fake, like the Moon, or women named Barbara.  
>  **Wufei:** I’m not sure which part of that I want to pick apart first.

Duo was sitting at the table in their shared kitchen, well, it was more that the chair he was seated in was leaned back on two of its four legs, he had one arm and a booted foot on the table, his hand clasped around his water glass. His other foot was keeping him balanced, the toes pressing into the floor, his other arm making bored gestures in the air as he spoke. “Ghosts are fake, like the Moon, or women named Barbara.”

WuFei, who was also seated at the table across from Duo, had lifted a brow at the man when he’d come inside after his run and flopped into the chair, flinging one sore leg up onto the table. He’d been going to reprimand him for that particular action, as his boots were muddy from the currently being watered grass out front, grass that Triton had already asked him NOT to walk through... When the churl opened his mouth.

WuFei set his tea down, his hands lightly cupping it on either side for the warmth it offered on this rather chilly evening. “I’m not sure which part of that I want to pick apart first.” He shook his head, took a swallow of his tea, then pointedly glared at the muddy water dripping to the table top. “First however, you will kindly remove your shoes back to the doorway where you know Bloom said to put them so there’s less mess to clean up in here. Then you will mop up the mess you’ve already made of his kitchen.”

Duo pouted but slapped the chair back on all fours and did as asked, getting a washrag from the drawer and getting it damp before proceeding to clean up the muddy water from his shoes. He tossed the cloth into the basket just inside the washroom before resuming his position in the kitchen. “There, happy?”

WuFei smirked into his tea, but glared at Duo’s foot back on the table. “Mostly.” He knew Duo wouldn’t remove it short of WuFei whacking the whole thing off with his sword, so he wouldn’t bother arguing about it. “How is the Moon fake? You’ve been on it.”

Without removing his foot from the table Duo leaned across it, his flexibility doing strange things to WuFei’s insides that he didn’t allow to register on his face. “Okay, so, ALL of that,” and Duo waved his free hand in a loose circle before flicking his fingers, “was a LIE. We were hypnotized into thinking it happened. No ones actually ever been to space, and the Colonies are just made up names for internment camps for people the various world governments don’t like.”

WuFei twitched, his teeth clamping shut over the pure stupidity of that entire announcement. He shouldn’t have asked. Taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly through his nose before opening eyes he didn’t remember closing in irritation and looking boredly over at Duo. “Alright, why are women named Barbara fake?”

A grin split Duo’s face and he settled back into his reclined position and took a swallow of his water - even annoyed, WuFei’s eyes trailed the way his throat moved as he swallowed with more heat than the action required. “Because Barbara is Barbie’s actual name. She’s a doll and therefore fake. No one in their right mind would actually name their child that, might as well just name them Doll.”

While WuFei could see the logic in that one, it was still stupid. Again though, obvious bait. “I’m pretty sure your secretary’s daughter’s name is Dolly.”

Duo’s head jerked, and he nearly spilled water down his face. Apparently he’d forgotten that. “It’s still not Barbara.”

WuFei finally rolled his eyes, “Okay, why are ghosts fake?”

“Why would anyone think they are REAL?” Duo blinked at him like he was stupid or had suddenly grown horns all over his body.

With a defeated sigh WuFei moved his now empty tea cup out of the way and banged his head on the table. Just then Triton came in, with a laugh he asked Duo, “You told him your newest conspiracy theory I take it?”

Duo nodded proudly and WuFei’s head snapped up, “Ghosts can’t be proven or disproven you heathen. And people are allowed to believe in whatever they want. You’re Catholic for crying out loud! You have a HOLY GHOST!”

Triton patted WuFei on the back, grabbed a glass of water and left the room chuckling. Duo smirked at him from across the table. “We do, and they can’t be proven or disproven... but I still say they’re fake.”

WuFei glared at him suspiciously, “Why lump all of those things together?”

“You want the truth?”

“Obviously I want the truth Maxwell.” WuFei grumped at him.

“Oooh, Maxwell now is it?” Duo’s grin turned feral, “To see how badly I could annoy you.”

WuFei sucked in another deep breath, his fingers flexing on the table.

“Hey, you did rather well honestly. Didn’t threaten my leg on the table, didn’t rise to the two obvious baiters. I figured it’d be the ghosts that cracked you though, kind of glad you tackled that one last.” Duo smiled at him before rising from the table, pushing in his chair, placing his glass in the sink and coming around to stand next to WuFei.

WuFei glared up at him, “I hate you.”

Duo’s eyes twinkled as he sat in WuFei’s lap, those flexing fingers finding purchase on Duo’s hips. “You _love_ me.”

“Why, is the real question though.” WuFei grouched again, but tipped his head up to accept Duo’s kisses.

They broke apart with a startled jump as Triton yelled from the front yard, “Duo Maxwell! You’re a dead man! I told you not to walk on my soon-to-be GRASS!”

WuFei snorted as Duo hopped up and ran out the back, Triton seconds after him. He got himself another cup of tea.


End file.
